The Goodbyes Begin

We just returned from a 13 day trip to the Carolina's to move my father-in-law, Jack, to his new home and to see our families before we leave for India.  It was not an easy trip and there were many tears shed along the way.


We live in TX with most of our family in the Carolina's so saying goodbye with the expectation of a year or more between visits is not unusual for us.  Somehow this goodbye was different.  I think since both our mothers have passed in the last 6 years the realization that each time we say goodbye could be our last is much more present to us.  It was the hardest to say goodbye to Jack for all four of us.  Jack is 76 and lived with us for about 2 years after he had a stroke,cause by uncontrolled diabetes, that left him paralzed on one side and he also has Parkinson's.  He then moved into an independent living facility in our neighborhood where we could ride our bikes over to visit and the kids would go to play bingo with him. Jack has come to rely on us for his care and he has become an integral part of our daily life and both my children have become very close to him.  


While no one has said it out loud, I think everyone is afraid that Jack will pass away while we are in India and we have said our last goodbyes to him.  However, if we think about it, each time we leave someone it could be our last goodbye, we just don't like to think about it.  It would make our day to day life so hard to live with that constant fear so we chose to bury the thoughts and fears.   Goodbyes are hard on us all when we fear they will be our last.  This is when we need to remember that even in death, goodbyes are not forever.


The wisest among us this week may have been Nathaniel.  I remember asking him a few times if he was sad to leave Jack.  He simply said, "Not Yet, I will be sad on Wednesday (when we left Jack to return to TX) and the day after, not before."  He reminded me to stay in the moment and enjoy the day instead of living in dread and fear.  He also wants us to continue some of the traditions we started when Jack came to live with us as a way to remember him each time we do them, so we will continue some small traditions in Jack's honor.  


Now this does not mean that we will miss everyone else any less, it just means that saying goodbye to Jack is a symbol of how we feel about leaving all those we love so dearly.  Each day the realization that we are going to be a 24 hour plane ride from our closest family and friends becomes more real.  I know it will be difficult but I truly believe India is where our family is meant to be and that we will come out stronger on the other end of this adventure. 

Paper Work headaches

Starting the process of getting my father-in-law, Jack, moved and getting the paperwork to obtain my husband's employment visa has been exhausting.  


Since we found out less than 3 weeks ago we have gotten everything ready to move Jack to SC.  We will be renting a U-Haul trailer to attach to my mini-van, which my brother will drive.  My family and Jack will drive his mini-van.  My brother has been a God send since he flying from NC to drive the U-Haul for us.  From SC we will drive to NC to visit my family, then back to SC to check back in on Jack before we drive to FL to visit my sister then back to TX.  All of this will be done in 13 days from start to finish.  On the plus side, we will be listening to book 6 of the Harry Potter series on the drive so hopefully it will help make the trip feel shorter. 

We are also trying to get all the paperwork ready for the Visas.  The oddest thing we encountered is Ken has to get his diploma apostilled.  This is a painful process in the best of circumstances because it requires your diploma to be notarized within the last 12 months and then taken to Secretary of States office for the state it which it was notarized.  Well, Ken graduated from UVA and their diplomas are HUGE.  We also got it framed and the person glued it to the mat.  What this means is I have to take the diploma, still attached to the mat, to a local blueprint office (Kinko's can not do it) to get it copied, and shrunk to an 8 1/2" by 11"  before we can mail the copy to UVA for the rest of the process to start.  Again, I thank my brother, Robbie, who has agreed to pick up the diploma from UVA and take it to the Secretary of the Commonwealth in Richmond so we don't have the extra mail time from VA, to TX, back to VA.  Lots of other paper work as well, but this is the one that has been the most frustrating.  It is also the only part of the process that I had to look up a word, apostilled, before I could even start the process. 

On the home front, we have been looking for someone to live in our house while we are gone.  Thankfully, we have found someone that we trust and couldn't be happier.  There were some people who were disappointed because they wanted to stay in our house.  I guess that means we are not asking enough for the house but having someone we trust means a lot to us.  

I know the next 3 weeks will be emotional with all the goodbyes to family.  Keep us in your thoughts and prayers that we stay safe on this first of many long trips this summer. 

Marilyn