Thanksgiving

We were unsure what to expect for Thanksgiving since it is really a true American holiday.  It seems that most people know about Thanksgiving.  They have no idea how it originated but everyone seems to know it as a holiday where Americans eat a lot and then shop the next day.  There are several restaurants in Bangalore which serve special Thanksgiving dinners.  We decided that since the kids had school to eat in and so we ordered a turkey and ham dinner and joined with another American family in the neighborhood to celebrate.  There were only 7 of us at dinner and we had enough food for at least 20 with appetizers and 3 desserts, so a typical Thanksgiving dinner.

It was a great time and we all had to tell 3 things we were thankful for and it had to be related to moving to India.  My oldest went first and said he was thankful for a good cook, good maid and good driver.  Can't say I disagree with him.  Having people to help during this very big adjustment has been great.  My youngest was thankful for the food we have to eat and the nice house we live in, however, unlike in the Texas, he seemed to truly be thankful.  He was also thankful for new friends he has met. Ken was thankful that he does not live in the village behind our house, that he does not live near the train (inside joke . The people we were with live near a train while we live near a Mosque with very loud prayers many times a day) and for the good friends we have made.  I agreed with N about the good cook, B and Ken about the friends (especially those we had Thanksgiving with) and I was also thankful for all the places and experiences we will get to have  by accepting the assignment   We went to London and Paris on the way here, we plan to go to Hong Kong and Taiwan over the winter break, the Taj Mahal in February, Goa in March and some local trips driving distance over weekends.  That is all in our first nine months.  Then I get to plan the summer and next years trips.  Our savings may be depleted when we get back but we will have some great memories.  

Diwali Ceremony.

There is an upcoming holiday called Diwali.  It has been described as Christmas, New Years and Independence Day all rolled into one.  There is lots of celebrations, lights, time to give gifts, and  fireworks galore.  I am trying to figure it all out but it is really not easy.  The school did a big Diwali Mela which was lots of fun.  The PTA brought in food vendors to serve "street food" to the parents and sell gifts items.  The primary students did dances, plays, puppets and songs for the season.  There was a fashion show and a lighting ceremony.  All the children were in traditional Indian cloths and it was all beautiful.  The boys and I all enjoyed the day and B, my 9 yr. old, seems to have really grasped some of the stories and has been trying to explain them to us.  The actual holiday is on Tuesday so the boys have three days off school.  We are still unpacking and sorting but hopefully we will be done before the boys return to school.   (I stopped here and finished after Diwali).

We have now attended 2 Diwali parties.  One was part of the Overseas Women's Club and it cost about $80 USD per person and the event is a fundraiser for charities the organization supports.  There was a silent auctions with some entertainment followed by a fashion show, dinner and dancing.  It was fun but not as nice as the party the night before.  That was a party thrown by the owner of the school my children attend and was free.  That night started with an open bar, followed by appetizer's served while we watched dancer from England and acrobats from Africa.  Ken was pulled on stage and helped the acrobats.  Then the teachers and staff were part of a raffle for great prizes.  The top prize was an Ipad and new Iphone 5. About 15 teachers out of the 87 won great prizes.  Then there was dancing and a buffet dinner.  I think it was probably one of the best parties I have ever attended.  Will make sure I attend it again next year.

India Night at the school with a friend. 

Ken on stage with the acrobats

Ken after the show with the acrobats

India Night at OWC.  My first time in a Saree

Now the boys' favorite part of Diwali was the fireworks.  For two nights we lit bottle rockets, sparkler and they had cap guns.  B thought it was the best thing ever.  People had fireworks similar to a professional show in the USA and were firing them in the neighborhood.  One misfired and about hit a house.  Very dangerous but very fun.  However I will be posting a full entry on the dangers of India.

Sea Shipment Arrives

Our items arrived in Bangalore about two weeks ago and after a lot of waiting for paperwork to get finished we finally received our shipment.  We have a few items that were broken but the only item that we can not easily replace in India is my Crockpot.   It is amazing how much stuff was in our shipment and we still have things stored in the USA.  Some items I am very glad we brought but some I now realize how useless it is to have.

I am very glad I purchased items people suggested like metal trash cans with lids, a lot of paper products, toiletries and kitchen items as they are triple the cost here and of much lower quality.  I love being able to sleep in my own bed again and I am thrilled to have our pictures here to hang on the wall and help the house feel like home.  However, we have two or three times the number of towels and rags we need and my 9 year old, B, has waaaaaay more toys than he needs and the kitchen is over flowing in cups and specialty cookware items.   Living in this house with rented furniture has really helped us all understand how much less we really need to be comfortable.

I think my 11 year old, N, learned the " less is more" lesson before we left as all he brought was his bed, a desk, clothes, a few favorite toys, his laptop, 4 posters (one is the serenity prayer and one is a poster of all the USA presidents), and a book case full of books.  His room is the only place in the house that is completely finished setting back up, unless you count the fact he has asked for another book case as his is now completely full of books.

After an enlightening experience for B yesterday, he decided he should give away some of his toys.  He was sitting at the table doing homework when someone came to the door.  He answered the door with me and saw a little boy, about his size, delivering the ironing.  I had him get the money and pay the child for the work and we gave him a few extra rupees.  The boy was visibly excited to have the tip which amounts to less than a dime.  We talked about how this boys parents did the ironing while the child went to school during the day and the boy had to help with the family business by delivering the clothes each evening.  If the boy did not do his part, the family may not have enough to eat.  He decided then and there, he had to make a box of toys to give to kids who have so much less than he.  He wants to have the first toy go to the delivery boy when he comes next week.  Who knows if he will actually follow through on this good intention but at least he is thinking about these issues and maybe it will help him in life.  We really don't need so many items to be happy.

The Fence

So this was the view from the upstairs window the other day.  That is my son on the monkey bars looking over the wall and barbed wire at the villagers living behind our house.  The mother and baby are waving to him.  

Ken and I were wondering what he was thinking about as we are on one side of the barbed wire fence
and they are on the other.  They have no shoes, and run in play in this very different environment. They don't even have a good ball to play with.

When the children noticed him they called out in the local language.  They were waving for him to come and play with them.  No one understood each others words but they communicated all the same.

He then came to me and wanted to know how to get to the other side of the fence. "The kids all seem to be having so much fun together and they want me to come play." We were about to start dinner so we simply told him not now and we would see about playing another day.

After much consideration we are planning to let him play with the kids from the other side of the fence, once we figure out how to get there.  We will have our driver with us to help with the language issue and ensure safety but we decided that in the long run, he will learn a lot and likely, so will we.  Wish us luck. 

My first CVID treatment in India

I have had some people ask about my treatment and how it is done here versus in the USA so I thought I would give you some specifics.

My treatment is receiving IgG intravenously.  In the US I had a nurse come to my house and administer the infusion.  All the supplies would come directly to my house, the nurse would come stick me with the needle and I would sit and watch TV for the 6 hours it took to administer the medication.  I will assume you know how most hospitals work in the US for this topic.

This was my first infusion so there were some problems that hopefully will be solved after doing this a time or two but some things are just strange to me.

When we arrived no one knew I was suppose to be coming.  We had discussed it the previous week and all the doctors agreed but I did not call the hospital the day before to remind them I would be coming.  This is standard procedure it seems.  I will need to call the hospital each time the day before my treatment so they can try to reserve a single room for me and be prepared for me the next morning.  They do not have an infusion suite like most places in the USA.  I could go to the place that has an infusion suite but they only deal with rheumatoid arthritis and would want me to use IgG from India.  My doctor works both in India and for a University in the USA and does research on my condition.  She insisted on continuing with my current medication, even if that meant having it shipped from the USA.  This is a huge deal as each IgG product is different and there really is no such thing as generic IgG.  So for me it is better to be in a hospital bed with a doctor I trust than to be in a more comfortable location with doctors unfamiliar with my condition.

It took two hours from the time I arrived until the nurse tried to start the IV.  During this time Ken had to go to the cashier and put down a deposit on the estimated amount of the procedure.  They decided we needed to put down enough to cover a stay of two days even though this is an 8 hour procedure.

When the nurse went to start the IV, she also needed to draw blood for lab work.  She did not hit my vein on the first try, which is not unusual for me, so she had another nurse come in and literally hold my vein still so she could start the IV easier.  Then they took the cap off of the blood collection tube, held my arm toward the ground and let gravity do the work in getting my blood from my vein into the collection tubes.  I felt like I was taking part in a blood letting from centuries ago.

The infusion finally started and things went pretty smoothly for about 4 hours.  Once I felt comfortable I told Ken he could leave because the boys would be home from school soon.  Of course that is when the trouble started.  The infusion pump started getting errors and the nurses were not sure why.  It was doing an error code that there was air in the line when clearly there was not.  One of the nurses decided to let some of the medicine flow onto the floor(along with some of my blood) to try to clear the line.  Sometimes that is necessary but what shocked me was that they literally let it drip on the floor and did not clean it up until I asked them to an hour later.

When we were done the nurse told me I needed to go to the pay station to settle the amount due before she could give me the discharge papers.  So I had to go downstairs and wait in line to get my refund before I could get my papers.  It was all very different.  At least I now know what to expect next time.

Update

We have now been here for over a month.   We still do not have our sea shipment but we do have everything from the air shipment.  After a week of searching they finally found the missing box in storage and sent it via Fed Ex.   We are starting to settle in and get into the beginnings of a routine but it will still be awhile before we really feel settled.  Currently, the boys leave for school about 7am and arrive home between 3:30-4:30pm depending on if they have extra curricular activities that day.  Ken leaves for work around 9:30am and returns home about 5pm most days.  We all have dinner together, read a book as a family and then Ken goes to his office to make work calls for 3-4 hours while the kids do homework and get ready for bed.  We have been going out on Saturday and Sunday to shop for things we need but this weekend we did what I hope will be our new routine.  We spent Saturday at home playing games and Sunday we spent doing something fun.  This week we went to Sunday Brunch, then we went to a mall and went bowling, did some shopping, played in the game room and had dinner at Chili's.  It was a full fun filled day.  We also plan to do some weekend trip to near by attractions.

I promised a picture of where we live but right now this is all I have.  This is the view from my front bedroom window.  Ours is pretty much identical.

Here is the view from my back bedroom window.

We live just outside a village north of Bangalore.  We will try to take some pictures when people are up and the chicken and cows are around.

That is our backyard with the monkey bars and next to it is a single swing.  They are very sturdy and the boys enjoy them.

I will try to write more soon. 

Setting up your life in India

Since my last post, I have had my infusion and been sick for a few days, N has broken his laptop he uses at school (we got a new one) and Ken's mobile phone has stopped working.  On the win column, we have satellite TV, a great cook, a good driver, a passable maid, a wonderful landlord and a fantastic school.  On the when is this ever going to be done column is Ken's cell phone connection, the bank account that we supposedly have but don't have the account number or atm card after weeks,  water delivery service to be established and a few other items.  This seems to be the norm around here.  A friend just posted on Facebook that she is still waiting for her gas to get connected (all ranges here are gas)  and she moved in over a week ago.

Ken stated today that if everyone shows up to work and something actually gets accomplished it is a minor miracle.  This is not due to apathy in employees.  They all want to do a good job however since no one has a sense of time you can never count on anyone to be anywhere at a certain time.  I know those is the USA get annoyed with 4 hour windows for service calls and irate when we are told it will be sometime between 8am-7pm.  At this moment, I would pay $50 if someone would guarantee me they would come sometime between 8-7 and actually show up and complete the job in one appointment. We tried to get satellite connected and it took a week for them to show up.  When they finally showed up to install the satellite dish they had a different receiver than the one we ordered.  Instead of leaving the one they brought so we could start our service, they did everything else, checked that it was working with the other receiver and then took it with the promise of returning in the morning.  He did return but it was at 8pm the next night and even then we counted ourselves lucky.  Patience is something you must have in India or you will literally go insane.

So, when everyone tells you it will take months to get everything set up, believe them.  There will be some things that go fine but something will take forever.  Hopefully, it is something you don't care about too much.

My medical condition

As some of you know I have a rare medical condition called CVID.  I basically do not make all the antibodies I should so I have to get them from other people. This is not a disease you catch but rather a genetic condition.  If you ever sold your plasma in college, you were helping someone like me.  My treatment is getting my antibodies replaced every three weeks via an IV.  My last treatment was on August 15th and my next one is scheduled for tomorrow, September 21st.  I am feeling fatigued right now and I hope the infusion will give me my energy back.  It was only 2 years ago that I was diagnosed, however I have had the condition for many years.  One of the reasons I can say for sure I have had this since at least high school is I had a constant cough for as long as I can remember.  I lived in a house of chain smokers so I just assumed I had lung damage.  Three months after getting my first treatment, the cough disappeared.  I had basically been sick nearly continuously for over 20 years. Also, I would always need to go to the doctor after any vacation.  I would have some sort of sinus or respiratory infection when I returned.  I have just moved to the other side of the world, spent 3 days at Disney Paris, 6 days in London, one week in a hotel in Bangalore and then moved into a house and while I am exhausted, I am NOT sick.

I was scheduled to have the infusion today but there was a general strike and the kids did not go to school so we postponed one more day.  I am feeling a little nervous since this will be in a new environment.  In TX, I had the infusion in my home and a nurse came out to start the IV.  While I enjoyed being at home, the nurses who do this are not the best at starting an infusion.  They only do a few a week and my veins can be tricky.  At my last infusion in TX , the nurse tried 9 times then called for a different nurse who on the second try went straight for the vein in the elbow joint.  My infusions last about 6 hours so I was not happy about having the IV in a joint.  I am hoping that the insertion of the IV will go better at a hospital where they have people who do these multiple times a day.  The down side is, I don't know the set up and I will be in a hospital bed instead of my recliner.  We were able to bring the medication with us from the US so at least that is staying the same.  My doctor splits her time between here and doing research on my disease at a university in the USA.  She insisted that I be able to get my current medicine here and the insurance and hospital finally agreed to make sure it happened.

Many people have asked, "Why would you go to another country to live when you have this condition and all the additional complications it will bring?"  I talked to my doctor about this before I left and his response was that I have never been better able to handle this move than I am now.  If we had done this before my diagnosis, I would likely have been very, very sick all of the time.  Now that I am on proper treatment, I may be better able to handle the environment than the rest of my family.

Here is to hoping that my upcoming infusion goes wonderfully and I feel like my (new) old self in a few days. I will keep you posted.  

Cell/Mobile Phones and the FRRO process

I knew before I left how hard it is to get a mobile phone in India. What I did not realize when we first arrived is how CRITICAL it is to have a mobile phone in India.

To get a phone is a very easy.  You go to an electronics store, pick out the phone and pay for it.  Getting a sim card to activate the phone can take a minor miracle if you are a foreigner.  First, you must go to a vendor with a copy of your passport, visa, your FRRO registration letter (kind of like a green card in the USA), and two passport size photos. They will then send someone to the address on the FRRO to verify you actually reside at that address. This sounds easy enough but it is not.

To get your FRRO letter, the entire family must fill out about 20 forms then go to the government office and spend about 3-4 hours going through that process.  You literally stand in 4 different lines to complete the process.  Thankfully IBM helped with this process but still frustrating.  This typically happens between 7-14 days after your arrival.  We did it on day 5 when we were still at the hotel so we get to do this process again with the next 8 weeks to change our address to the new house.  Again all four of us must go in person on a weekday.

Once you get all the forms, you go to the vendor and pick a plan.  They will then activate your phone within 24 hours.  My phone activated properly but after 3 days and many phone calls, Ken's was still not active.  They finally had to issue him a new number to get the connection completed.  We were happy to have this complete but during our first week we were without a phone.  We tried to order a pizza from domino's but was unable to complete the order because they needed your mobile number to SMS (text) to confirm you actually ordered.  You could not give them the hotel number to call and confirm, it had to be by text.  You also have a car with a driver.  Most places do not have parking readily available so the way it typically works is the driver drops you at the door and you call him when you are ready to be picked back up.  This severely limited where we could shop during this time.  They even ask for your mobile number when you are entering various locations (private schools) as a sort of identification code.  If you tell someone you do not have a phone they do not know how to respond.  You just get a blank stare like they are in shock.  Everyone has a mobile number, even those who live in "tent villages" have a mobile phone.  The way it works here is you can get a cheap phone and then get a sim with no talk time.  You only pay for outgoing calls so people can call you but you can not call out.  It seems that a lot of maids/drivers/cooks have mobiles this way.  The thought that someone who obviously has money, would not have a phone, is absolutely unfathomable to everyone.

In conclusion, if you are coming to India plead to a friend to get a prepaid sim card for you to use for your first two weeks in country.  It will make your life so much easier.

September 11th: Air shipment arrives/my birthday

On September 11th it was my birthday.  My gift was the arrival of our very small air shipment.  We were very excited about getting it.  The Wii came, Yugioh cards, our sheets and blankets, pots and pans.  We also received two boxes that were marked for storage and were missing one of our air boxes.  It was the one that had the power converter to allow us to play the Wii, the internet phone box to let others call us, and some other electrical stuff.  I have never seen B more disappointed than when he came home, saw the Wii and his Skylanders but was told he was unable to play with the new Skylanders he purchased in London.  It was not a good scene.  On top of this we thought we were scheduled to have someone come and put in the satellite service that evening and I agreed to skip our plans to go out to dinner for my birthday and instead cook dinner for the first time in the house.  Unfortunately, we misunderstood (happens a lot), and they were coming out to do something else.  We also realized that while we packed the sheets and blanket for the boys' beds we only packed the sheets for ours.  Thankfully a friend who left India recently left us some items and among the items was a blanket just right for our bed. Thank you Vicki.   So, tomorrow I get to rehang all the curtains.

So, for my birthday, I got to unpack an air shipment that was incomplete and cook a spaghetti dinner for the family.  Can I celebrate or what?  

Going away parties

We had two parties to help us say goodbye to friends.  One for family and friends and one for co-workers.   The first was friends and family from school and the neighborhood.  The kids played, the adults talked and it was a lot of fun.  There was much discussion about the Indian Massage post and a few people were turning red.  The kids played Wii and ran around and a few watched the Olympics.  Nothing fancy, just friends hanging out.   However, what struck me most was how many of the people who came were people I had not seen in years.  I loved seeing them but thinking back I wish I would have thrown more parties to see these people more often.   I know I don't have more parties because they are a lot of work and I sometimes think that no one will come because we are all so busy.  I almost dread getting a Christmas invitation because there is so much going on at that time.  However, I think my goal in the years to come will be to have at least one party a year to celebrate something.  Maybe some of the lesser holidays no one else throws a party for and then, maybe people will not be too busy to come.  Maybe I will do Presidents day first since N likes them so much?  Help me to decide.

What holiday do you think deserves a party but rarely gets one?  

September 10th: General Update

So much has happened since I last posted.  I will give a short synopsis with details to follow.  We have moved into our rental house and the boys are enjoying school.  Ken is going to actually go into work tomorrow for the first time since we arrived.  He has been working from home but not going to the office.  

Our air shipment should arrive tomorrow so it will be a nice birthday present for me (September 11^th).   We have rented some furniture and purchased a few items to get us through but I am really looking forward to getting a few things, like cookware and nice bedding.

On the topic of bedding, we could not find any nice sheets but we have them coming in our first shipment.  We purchased a few cheap sheets but did not buy any blankets.  We have really wanted blankets, so we have taken down some of the fabric curtains and we are using those as blankets until our shipment arrives.  The landlord purchased some very nice curtains and we are using them for all they are worth.

We are in the process of hiring a car with driver, a maid and a cook.  This sounds like it would be so nice but the process is exhausting.  You either have to pay a lot more than you should or you have to really spend time negotiating.  I am working on very little sleep and my brain is about full of new information so I think I may be paying too much for a while.  We have the driver lined up to start next Monday and a cook is coming to do a sample meal later this week.  If you can believe it, I am tired of peanut butter toast for breakfast, snacks for lunch and pizza for dinner.   There are very few takeout places in our part of town so our choices are limited. 

Anyway,  I mainly wanted to keep everyone posted.  I will try to post some details tomorrow while I am waiting for the air shipment and wishing the satellite would get hooked up. 

Sept 3rd: 1st day of school

Today is the first day of school.  We got up at 6am and made peanut butter toast in the room which was our routine in TX.  Then we were off to the school.  Our driver was unsure of where we were going but we saw a bus from the school and followed it in.  We got to school on time and walked the kids into the waiting area.  B was very excited about going to school and could not wait.  When we got to his area he happily went off with his new assigned buddy to get a water bottle.  N was escorted from the primary area to the middle school area by someone else so we had to say goodbye to him further from his class.  I am not worried at all about B.  He has 12 children in the class with a teacher and an aid.  He loves to try new food and I think he will fit right in.  N is a different story.  He is starting middle school which is hard enough but he started the day without knowing his schedule or where anything is at the school.  He will also be assigned a buddy for the week so hopefully he will get along with his buddy.  There are 32 students in his grade with two classes per subject so an average of 16/class.  For those who do not know, N has dyslexia and dysgraphia.  He gets some accommodations from the school in TX such as being able to type his work instead of handwriting.  We do not think his teachers are aware of this yet so today may be hard for him.  We told him not to worry that we would get it all sorted out over the next few days but to try his best for now.  He is also getting tested for advanced math.  He is entering grade 6 but has already done the math books for grade 6, grade 7 and is part way through grade 8.  The school is going to work with us but they are unsure of exactly how at this point.  Again something we have to get sorted out over the next few days.  The person who typically makes those calls is out of the country due to a family emergency. 

When the boys got back from school N said he enjoyed his first day and B said it was OK.  B does not like feeling like he is behind his peers and starting 3 weeks late has put him a little behind in things like Mandarin.  They both made some friends and the social aspect appears to be very good so far.  N even ate lunch in the cafeteria.  We are sending him each day with the hopes he will try the food and like it.  They have an Italian chef who prepares lunch. 

While the boys were in school we ran some errands but we still have lots to do.  The red tape here is absolutely insane.   That will be a blog post or two all on its own.  

Arrival in India: September 1st and 2nd

We arrived about 6PM and made it through customs and immigration by 7PM.  Our driver was waiting for us and we were off to the hotel.  B stated as we were getting into the car that he did not like India so far.  I said “You have only seen the airport. Who would like a city after going through customs?”  He replied “Good point.”

B slept in the car most of the way and N was looking around.  You could see the culture shock in his eyes.  We are staying in an India hotel which is very nice for what we are paying.  We have two adjoining rooms with a mini-fridge in each, a toaster, microwave and a few pots and pans.  Nothing extravagant but it will work.  It is also only costing about $90/night total with breakfast included.  It is also a lot closer to the boys’ school and Ken’s work than the western style hotels so that is a plus.  The cheapest we could find a western style hotel would have been all four in one room that is intended to have a max of 3 people. It would be extremely cramped, no kitchenette area and about 3 times the price.  Or a very nice apartment type place for about 4 times the cost.

We tried to get the boys to bed early but N was too wired.  He was thinking too much about everything.  He got upset about how different everything is here in India.  He said that in Europe it was not that different but here was so different he was overwhelmed. It took until after midnight for him to get to sleep and this was only after I let him wear my watch to bed so he would know the time (remember no clocks in the rooms).   B went through the same thing in the morning and Ken was overwhelmed by 10am.  Ken asked why I seemed to be fine and I told him someone had to hold it together or we would never make it through the week.

 We decided to head out and go to a Sunday brunch at one of the nicest hotels in town.  It was a huge splurge but it was worth it.  Here, N got a beef burger and lots of cheese and B got some fruit juice he was craving.  The boys got to see a more western part of town as we drove and saw some interesting sights.  We then went to a mall we were told had bowling but it was not completed yet.  Instead, we went to an arcade and did some shopping.  It was a very nice mall and felt more like home.  After this the boys were in a much better place and realized things were not as different as they seemed.  We would be able to find some places to go to feel more at home. 

We then went back to the hotel and ordered Dominos, ate and got ready for the first day of school (3 weeks late).  The kids did much better this evening and went straight to sleep.  I do need to tell you about ordering from Dominoes but that will be included in a post about the need for a cell phone. 

Europe Day 5

After being in Europe for 5 days there are some things that I realized.  Without meaning to we are slowing introducing our children to their new home.  We started off going to England, a country where we speak the language but the accent is different and there are a few things that are noticeably different.  Then we went to France, where often we were unable to understand what was being said but we could usually find someone to help us figure things out.  Then we went to Disney Paris where there were people from all over and who have different concepts of waiting.  For example, B wanted to get a character signature and there was a mob of children surrounding the character.  We helped the character get some of the children to step back for a few minutes and then we waited patiently.  We were finally rewarded with a signature just before he had to leave.  When we left, B stated that he did NOT like the way everyone was pushing and no one would form a line.  I know that there will be much more of that in India so hopefully this experience will help him.  When we arrive in India I anticipate that both boys will be overwhelmed at first but they have been doing great with the changes so far.

I will say that being at Disney Paris was a crash course in cultural differences with the above extreme to the next extreme.  Yesterday I was in the ladies room when one of the moms was asking her child if she could wait in the line.  The child was about 6 and you could tell she was not going to last long.  I suggested that she ask to cut in line.  The mom stated “We are from Britain, we queue.”  I responded, “I’m an American, we do what is necessary.”  I then made a loud statement that we had a child emergency and she needed to get to the front of the line.  The mother was embarrassed at first but did take her child to the front after a few people ahead in line encouraged her to bring up the child.  On her way out she thanked me and you could tell the girl was relieved.  

We also realized even more how Americans are unusually obsessed with time.  In every hotel we have stayed at there has NOT been a clock in the room.  It is actually pretty hard to figure out the time unless you have a time piece on you.  There are not many places that have a clock unless it is somewhere like the train station that requires it.  The next time you are out and about in the USA, look around and I bet within 2 minutes you will find the time without any extra effort.   That has not been the case anywhere I have traveled outside the USA.  

I have been writing some as we go but unable to post very often.  I will plan to do a section on Disney and compare it to Florida as a separate post later. 

Final day of Pack up

This has been the hardest day so far and as I write this it is only 10am.  Our household items are going on a shipping container today and we are spending the night with a friend.  We fly out tomorrow and 9 year old, B, is very sad.  He asked if we are leaving tomorrow and when I said yes he started to cry.  He has some friends he has been unable to see this summer and he is going to miss his friends dearly.  We all sat and talked and the kids and I cried.  Then B's friend had to cancel today and this set both he and I off into a crying spell again.  The saving grace was when the people N was staying with invited B to go with them to Main Event (a place with bowling, laser tag and rock climbing) for the day.  B was suddenly all smiles but I just can not seem to bounce back as easily.  I think I just need to take the time to cry for a while today and get some of it out of my system.

I do this each time I move a long distance.  I remember when I left NC to move to TX and I cried most of the plane ride.  Then when I would fly to visit my mom I would cry when I left Ken in TX and then cry again when I would leave NC to return to TX. However, I always waited for everyone I was leaving to be out of sight.  I both look forward to going to NC and going back to TX but I still grieve a little each and every time.  Intellectually I know everything is fine and I really do look forward to the exciting parts but I have to remember to give myself and my family time to grieve the very real loss of close friends and family.  While we can stay in touch it is not the same.  This is especially true for children who change so much in just a few years.  I know we will make new friends in India and we will grieve that loss when we return to TX while at the same time we will be overjoyed to be reunited with old friends.

So, for all of my friends everywhere, I will miss you dearly and look forward to seeing you again. Keep in touch and know that just  because I did not cry when I said goodbye to you does not mean I miss you any less.  I just saved it all up for today.  

Packing day 1

This has been a very long week.  Today (Thursday) was day one of the packers at the house. They were suppose to arrive between 8-10 however we received a call at 10am that they were just leaving the warehouse and it would take at least an hour for them to arrive.  They got to the house at 11:30am.  Not the best way to start but at least they got here.  We have found from previous experience that a little bit of friendliness can go a long way in making the move go smooth so we decided to buy lunch for the crew and had cold drinks and snacks at the house for them throughout the move.  I think it paid off because when I asked them to redo something they were very nice about making the changes and they offered suggestions on how to pack some items that got more items to us in our air shipment.

We have spent at least 60 hours over the last few weeks sorting everything into 7 piles.  Trash, out the door (sell), send by sea, send by air, storage, plane, and stays in the house.  This has been a painful process for all of us however, I think my youngest son had the hardest time letting go of the items.  He seems to have a memory attached to everything.  He finally agreed to sell about 1/3 of his small toys, 1/4 of his stuffed animals and a few of his larger toys.  My husband finally agreed to recycle his notes from his college courses.  We have moved those from NC, to VA, to TX and twice in TX.  I am so glad to see the two full file drawers of notes leave the house.  There has been something freeing about letting go of so many things we don't need or use anymore.  We do really need to do this type of cleanse every few years but next time I would prefer to do it without a move to the other side of the world. 

We sorted items and put tape of different /colors on everything to help the packers.  This did not keep the packers from putting items in the wrong place.  We went through our chairs and picked the best ones to take with us and send the others to storage.  The packers decided that we had 4 going by sea and 3 to storage and changed the tape on the chairs so they could take out the ones closest to the door in the first load.  I am sure it was not malicious but please keep an eye on your packers.  They fixed the mistake but even with all of the prep work we did there were at least 8 times just today that we had to get them to redo something because it was not done as we requested.  It helped that IBM requires an inventory of all items so I sat with the two packers and filled out the form as they were packing.  Ken stayed with the two movers working on bigger items.  We also told the company we wanted no more than 4 people in the house.  They typically like to stay in pairs so we could watch things better.  We have had many people tell us that 6 people came to pack their house and things went to the wrong place.  I really do not want to wind up in India with items I don't need and the kids toys in storage.   

We were very thankful to our friends who took our children.  They are with friends for 3 days. I don't know if the kids could have handled today and I am very glad I did not have to find out.  

12 days and counting

Things are a bit overwhelming at the moment.

We are having a party at our house tomorrow with about 75 people coming.  At least I have the sense not to stress over having a clean house.  My friends will not care that my house is not spotless but I did not want to have it at a restaurant so the kids would feel more relaxed.    I am looking forward to seeing everyone but getting it all ready is exhausting.

We did receive everyone's VISA but the wording on the X VISA's is vague as to whether or not Marilyn and the kids can stay for more than 180 days at a time.  We are hoping it is just poor wording choice on the VISA as Houston has just started issuing the new VISA so everyone seems to be unsure about what it means.  We will have to see what happena when we get there.  Worst case scenario is Marilyn and the kids will get to go on a vacation every 6 months.

Our stuff is getting packed up in 8 days (Friday) and then put on the truck on Monday and we fly out on Tuesday.  IBM is requiring us to list every single item we have and how much it is worth.  If it is $50 or more to replace it has to be on a separate line.    We also have to specify if it is going to be going by sea, air, or into storage.  Take a good look around your house and think about listing each and every item right.  I have one line item that is chapter books for kids, quantity 163, total value $652.  Next I have to get a count on the yugioh cards.  I think this is really a test of endurance to see if you can handle all the bureaucratic red tape of India before you arrive.

At this point you wonder, "Why in the world am I subjecting myself to all this work to go to the other side of the world and live?  I have a great life right here with wonderful friends and I don't have to itemize it all."  Then you think about the vacation in London you are going to take along the way with 3 days in Paris to go to Disney, the school that will have horseback riding as an extra curricular activity and the luxury of being able to afford a maid, cook and driver.  Most of all, you remember that this will bond your family in a way nothing else will ever be able to compare.  It is a memory the family will never forget and an experience that will change our lives forever.  This is what keeps me plugging away and cutting all that red tape.

VISA heachaches

So the paperwork for a VISA to work in India is insane.  The sheer volume is bad enough but the application process is mind boggling.  The Indian consulate has outsourced the process to a company called Travisa.  You must first fill out the Indian application form online.  This sounds easy but it is NOT.  The questions are vague and the instructions are hard to follow.  Once you complete the form you must print it out and you can not make any changes at that point. Then you must fill out a form for Travisa.  Again you can not make any changes once it is complete.  So if (when) you realize you made a mistake you have to fill out both forms over completely and it is NOT possible to make any changes once you arrive at the Travisa location.  If you so much as leave a letter out of your name you have to make another appointment to come back once you fix it.  I have literally spent at least 8 hours filling out the forms.  In addition IBM has to give us about 20 forms to submit.  We have a check list of items IBM gave us and a check list from Travisa of what we need however none of the names match so we are going on faith that we have them all.

Next Ken will need to drive to Houston (3-4hrs each way) to submit the forms.  Ken tried to submit them on Tuesday.  Unfortunately, IBM filled out one of the forms incorrectly and the application was immediately rejected.  This means that IBM has to correct their forms and we have to redo the online paperwork again. Ken schedule a second attempt for Wednesday.  The person was nice enough to go through all the forms and said the rest were fine but I am not going to believe it until it is all done.  Ken went back on Wednesday and they took the paperwork for his VISA only.  The other VISAs need a copy of his VISA to be complete so we have to wait for his to return before we can submit the other three.  Thankfully, our entry VISAs are only suppose to take 24-48 hours instead of the 4-5 weeks for an employment VISA.  Today is Tuesday, just 6 days later, and we are suppose to receive Ken's VISA via FedEx.  While we are very happy about this and we can start the process for the other 3 VISAs it is annoying that Ken did all the extra things to get it in ASAP because it was suppose to take a month to process and it took less than a week.

We are now in the process of actually planning our move and a going away party.  We are thinking about spending a week in Europe on our way to Bangalore.  We are hoping that the week stop over will make the jetlag more bearable. This way we have a 6 hr difference to adjust to and then 4.5 hr change a week later. It also means that instead of waiting for our shipment at home or in Bangalore we get to explore the world even more.  I feel a little guilty that the children will be starting school 2 weeks late but Ken keeps reminding me that the exposure to different cultures is one of the reasons why we are taking this assignment so the trip to Europe is just part an expat perk.  One possible plan is to fly into London, then go to Paris and Rome then back to London.  If you have suggestions of places to visit that are kid friendly let us know.

The Indian Massage

So I went into the Leela Palace Spa to schedule a massage.  They asked if I wanted a Swedish massage or a traditional Indian massage.  I thought there couldn't be that big a difference so I decided to be adventurous and go with the Indian massage.  It was NOT what I expected.

First,  during a typical massage in the USA you go into a room, undress to your comfort level and get under the covers on the massage table and wait for the therapist to come in and start.  For this massage she handed me a pair of disposable panties and told me to change and put on the panties and a robe.  We then went to the massage room where I was instructed to take off the robe and sit on a stool. Yes, that meant I only had on the disposable panties and nothing else. She then put a palm full of oil on the top of my head, another one on my neck and a third on my shoulders and gave me a head, neck and shoulder massage.  I should state that I had not intended to wash my hair after the massage because we has somewhere else to go and my hair takes a long time to dry but my plans changed.

After the head, neck and shoulder massage I was instructed to lay face down on the table.  She then gave me a very nice massage on my entire back side.  She started by covering my body in heated oil.  She used so much oil, it was literally dripping off of me onto the table.  I guess they don't want to have to reapply because they do some extremely long strokes.  One of the strokes started at my shoulder, over my glutes(butt) and continued all the way to my feet.  I then turned over and was given a massage on my front.  This included the peck muscles and my stomach.  I have to say that it really helped to relax my muscles.  She did not touch anywhere inappropriate but I do know a few people who would have felt very uncomfortable at this point.  Again, there is nothing covering any part of your body other than the panties.

After the massage I was told to relax while she got the shower ready.  I did not realize it until this point but there was a shower in the massage room.  She started the shower and gave me a mixture that was a body scrub.  She scrubbed my back and then I did the rest of my body and washed my very oily hair, twice.  I then dried off and put on the robe to return to the changing room.  I felt very relaxed and did not feel sore at all the next day.

So, if you do not feel comfortable sitting naked in front of a stranger, you may want to steer clear of a traditional Indian massage.  However, I have to say it was one of the best massage I have ever received and I will likely get another one when we return to India. 

Look-see trip 2

Well, we looked at the three of our top houses from day one, Pebble Bay and a few more houses over the course of the next few days.  We are now in the process of negotiating for a house in the north part of town.  It is about 20 mins from IBM and 20-30 mins from the school.  The. process for renting in Bangalore is similar to buying a house in the USA.  You have to negotiate everything that is to be included and changed.  We are asking for everything from white goods (ie, oven, washer, bigger fridge) and A/C's in each bedroom, to things I would have assumed like a  professional cleaning before move in and pest control.  You can take nothing for granted when it comes to the negotiations.  Thankfully, we are well within our allowance for housing so Eugenie, our relocation specialist, can get more things done with an increase in monthly rent.  The biggest surprise for most people when negotiating a house is that the deposit is 10 months rent for an 11 month rental.  This is the standard practice and no one seems to think it is outrageous.   Wish us luck on getting this rental.  It has been owner occupied for the last 7 years and appears to be in MUCH better shape than any of the other places we saw.  It also had a lot of little upgrades that we really like.

The last day of the trip we went to the Overseas Women Club of Bangalore.  It meets at the Leela Palace and is a great resource.  I anticipate attending the meetings on a regular basis when I arrive.  They keep a book of people looking for work as cooks, maids, nannies and drivers with references from previous OWC members.  I am looking forward to having these services.  Currently, with cost is about $100/month for someone to come each day for about 2 hours to clean your house 6 days a week.  Similar cost to have a cook come each day and cook dinner and prep for breakfast.  The driver is an absolute necessity for an expat.  A driver costs about $1000/month for a driver who provides his own car (Innova), all tolls, gas and parking.  If you have your own car and just need a driver, that is about $225 per month for him to come 6 days a week for 10-12 hrs/day.  Most people from India buy a car but if you are here less than 2 years people tend to get someone with a car.  We are right on the break point so we are unsure which we will do yet.

The next thing we need to figure out is TV for India.  We are currently looking into using a slingbox.  This and phone are a very complex issue so I will post on those separately.  We are trying to set up a service so people in the US can call us for free using our current cell phone numbers.  I will let you know if we get it set up.  

Drivers and Doctors

Today was very interesting.  It started out with a doctors appointment for me for a chronic condition that requires IV medication each month.  Ken decided to go with me since this is such an important thing to get straight before we arrive. We talked about my condition of course but we also discussed Expats and her opionion of discipline of expat children, how people were not very nice, ie stuck up, in only one part of town and also discussed other hospitals and their lack of quality products.  The appointment started at 9:15 and we talked to the doctor until 10:15.  Then she asked if we could stay for a few minutes while she saw another patient.  About 10:30 she came back out and called the head of nursing, the head of insurance and the head of the pharmacy to introduce us to them.  The head of pharmacy was not in however the other two came to her office and discussed my issues and the complications they would need to help us with to get my medicine and get it administered at that hospital.  We finally left at about 11 with cards from all of them.  Hopefully this means we will get this all to work out.

We have been told to make sure you get a good driver when you come to India.  Your driver is your lifeline.  We decided today that it is indeed of most importance to get a good driver.  The one we had today was horrible.  He took us to the wrong place, twice.  Both time he insisted he knew where we were going but really had no idea.  We even passed one of the places and he did not realize it.  I had to tell him to turn around and go back.  I know it is always dangerous on the roads in India, however, he was a poor driver by India standards.  I am thankful neither of the two buses hit us. 

I will post more later on our next days adventure.

Look-See trip

We are in the middle of our look-see trip.  This is where you are suppose to spend 5 days in country to find a school for your children, a place to live and get oriented to the new location.  How anyone can accomplish all of these tasks in so few days is beyond me.  Add to this the fact I must find a doctor and it is mission impossible.

Luckily for us, I looked at schools when we visited Bangalore in September and the school decision has been made.  We are going to the school Monday to finalize paperwork and to let Ken see the school.  The boys will be attending an IB school in the very north part of town. 

We left Austin on Wednesday July 11th, and arrived in Bangalore at 3:30am on July 13th.  We met the individual who will be helping us with this process at 11 am on Friday.  Yes we were exhausted, but we have limited time.  We then proceeded to look at 12 properties that day.  If you have ever been house hunting you know that by the time you get to property 5 or 6 you are starting to forget what the first property was like.  Add to this the massive jet lag and I am not sure if we are remembering anything accurately.  We have decided on our top three and will be looking at them today.  I was hoping to post some pictures of the choices, but my phone died when we were looking.    Unfortunately, one of the places we thought we would like to live has been black listed by IBM.  We were not allowed to even look at the location.  We contacted the policy people and asked for an exception and after some convincing, we got approval to look at Pebble Bay.  We still do not have approval to live there if we like it but we can go look at it.

Eugenie, the person helping us with everything in Bangalore, took us on a city orientation on Saturday.  It included a stop at a new grocery store with a lot of imported goods.  It was great to be able to check out what is available and at what price.  I will be going to Costco to buy a few jars of peanut butter.  An 8 oz jar was approximately $4.  If anyone is heading to Bangalore while we are here, please let us know.  We may ask you to bring some of our favorite items to us.

Sunday was a day off for Eugenie so we spent the day with another couple from IBM who is leaving in 3 weeks.  They took us to some places around town to shop and gave us plenty of first hand advice on how to handle the International Assignment.  I also decided to get a massage.  I decided to get a traditional Indian massage which is very different.  I think I will wait and post on that adventure separately. 

Today we are off to finalize the paperwork for the school, look at the top three housing choices, Pebble Bay, and buy school uniforms.  We are starting to get past the jet lag and should be right on Bangalore time on Thursday when we are scheduled to fly home.

The Goodbyes Begin

We just returned from a 13 day trip to the Carolina's to move my father-in-law, Jack, to his new home and to see our families before we leave for India.  It was not an easy trip and there were many tears shed along the way.


We live in TX with most of our family in the Carolina's so saying goodbye with the expectation of a year or more between visits is not unusual for us.  Somehow this goodbye was different.  I think since both our mothers have passed in the last 6 years the realization that each time we say goodbye could be our last is much more present to us.  It was the hardest to say goodbye to Jack for all four of us.  Jack is 76 and lived with us for about 2 years after he had a stroke,cause by uncontrolled diabetes, that left him paralzed on one side and he also has Parkinson's.  He then moved into an independent living facility in our neighborhood where we could ride our bikes over to visit and the kids would go to play bingo with him. Jack has come to rely on us for his care and he has become an integral part of our daily life and both my children have become very close to him.  


While no one has said it out loud, I think everyone is afraid that Jack will pass away while we are in India and we have said our last goodbyes to him.  However, if we think about it, each time we leave someone it could be our last goodbye, we just don't like to think about it.  It would make our day to day life so hard to live with that constant fear so we chose to bury the thoughts and fears.   Goodbyes are hard on us all when we fear they will be our last.  This is when we need to remember that even in death, goodbyes are not forever.


The wisest among us this week may have been Nathaniel.  I remember asking him a few times if he was sad to leave Jack.  He simply said, "Not Yet, I will be sad on Wednesday (when we left Jack to return to TX) and the day after, not before."  He reminded me to stay in the moment and enjoy the day instead of living in dread and fear.  He also wants us to continue some of the traditions we started when Jack came to live with us as a way to remember him each time we do them, so we will continue some small traditions in Jack's honor.  


Now this does not mean that we will miss everyone else any less, it just means that saying goodbye to Jack is a symbol of how we feel about leaving all those we love so dearly.  Each day the realization that we are going to be a 24 hour plane ride from our closest family and friends becomes more real.  I know it will be difficult but I truly believe India is where our family is meant to be and that we will come out stronger on the other end of this adventure. 

Paper Work headaches

Starting the process of getting my father-in-law, Jack, moved and getting the paperwork to obtain my husband's employment visa has been exhausting.  


Since we found out less than 3 weeks ago we have gotten everything ready to move Jack to SC.  We will be renting a U-Haul trailer to attach to my mini-van, which my brother will drive.  My family and Jack will drive his mini-van.  My brother has been a God send since he flying from NC to drive the U-Haul for us.  From SC we will drive to NC to visit my family, then back to SC to check back in on Jack before we drive to FL to visit my sister then back to TX.  All of this will be done in 13 days from start to finish.  On the plus side, we will be listening to book 6 of the Harry Potter series on the drive so hopefully it will help make the trip feel shorter. 

We are also trying to get all the paperwork ready for the Visas.  The oddest thing we encountered is Ken has to get his diploma apostilled.  This is a painful process in the best of circumstances because it requires your diploma to be notarized within the last 12 months and then taken to Secretary of States office for the state it which it was notarized.  Well, Ken graduated from UVA and their diplomas are HUGE.  We also got it framed and the person glued it to the mat.  What this means is I have to take the diploma, still attached to the mat, to a local blueprint office (Kinko's can not do it) to get it copied, and shrunk to an 8 1/2" by 11"  before we can mail the copy to UVA for the rest of the process to start.  Again, I thank my brother, Robbie, who has agreed to pick up the diploma from UVA and take it to the Secretary of the Commonwealth in Richmond so we don't have the extra mail time from VA, to TX, back to VA.  Lots of other paper work as well, but this is the one that has been the most frustrating.  It is also the only part of the process that I had to look up a word, apostilled, before I could even start the process. 

On the home front, we have been looking for someone to live in our house while we are gone.  Thankfully, we have found someone that we trust and couldn't be happier.  There were some people who were disappointed because they wanted to stay in our house.  I guess that means we are not asking enough for the house but having someone we trust means a lot to us.  

I know the next 3 weeks will be emotional with all the goodbyes to family.  Keep us in your thoughts and prayers that we stay safe on this first of many long trips this summer. 

Marilyn 

Getting Started

Just found out we will be heading to Bangalore for 2 years.  We are starting the process of figuring this all out and I thought it would be therapeutic to blog about the process and the experience of getting to and living in India.  So far the entire family is excited. For those who don't know, my family is Ken (dad) Marilyn (mom) and our two son's who are 9 and 11. We talked to both the boys about the assignment and they both agreed that they would be fine going to India.  We figured, if the boys both agreed then it must be meant to be because they have not been agreeing on anything lately.  Keep us in your thoughts and prayers during this process.  We are waiting for the company to tell us the first steps we need to do but in the mean time we are busy telling family and friends and planning a going away party.