We just returned from a 13 day trip to the Carolina's to move my father-in-law, Jack, to his new home and to see our families before we leave for India. It was not an easy trip and there were many tears shed along the way.
We live in TX with most of our family in the Carolina's so saying goodbye with the expectation of a year or more between visits is not unusual for us. Somehow this goodbye was different. I think since both our mothers have passed in the last 6 years the realization that each time we say goodbye could be our last is much more present to us. It was the hardest to say goodbye to Jack for all four of us. Jack is 76 and lived with us for about 2 years after he had a stroke,cause by uncontrolled diabetes, that left him paralzed on one side and he also has Parkinson's. He then moved into an independent living facility in our neighborhood where we could ride our bikes over to visit and the kids would go to play bingo with him. Jack has come to rely on us for his care and he has become an integral part of our daily life and both my children have become very close to him.
While no one has said it out loud, I think everyone is afraid that Jack will pass away while we are in India and we have said our last goodbyes to him. However, if we think about it, each time we leave someone it could be our last goodbye, we just don't like to think about it. It would make our day to day life so hard to live with that constant fear so we chose to bury the thoughts and fears. Goodbyes are hard on us all when we fear they will be our last. This is when we need to remember that even in death, goodbyes are not forever.
The wisest among us this week may have been Nathaniel. I remember asking him a few times if he was sad to leave Jack. He simply said, "Not Yet, I will be sad on Wednesday (when we left Jack to return to TX) and the day after, not before." He reminded me to stay in the moment and enjoy the day instead of living in dread and fear. He also wants us to continue some of the traditions we started when Jack came to live with us as a way to remember him each time we do them, so we will continue some small traditions in Jack's honor.
Now this does not mean that we will miss everyone else any less, it just means that saying goodbye to Jack is a symbol of how we feel about leaving all those we love so dearly. Each day the realization that we are going to be a 24 hour plane ride from our closest family and friends becomes more real. I know it will be difficult but I truly believe India is where our family is meant to be and that we will come out stronger on the other end of this adventure.
We live in TX with most of our family in the Carolina's so saying goodbye with the expectation of a year or more between visits is not unusual for us. Somehow this goodbye was different. I think since both our mothers have passed in the last 6 years the realization that each time we say goodbye could be our last is much more present to us. It was the hardest to say goodbye to Jack for all four of us. Jack is 76 and lived with us for about 2 years after he had a stroke,cause by uncontrolled diabetes, that left him paralzed on one side and he also has Parkinson's. He then moved into an independent living facility in our neighborhood where we could ride our bikes over to visit and the kids would go to play bingo with him. Jack has come to rely on us for his care and he has become an integral part of our daily life and both my children have become very close to him.
While no one has said it out loud, I think everyone is afraid that Jack will pass away while we are in India and we have said our last goodbyes to him. However, if we think about it, each time we leave someone it could be our last goodbye, we just don't like to think about it. It would make our day to day life so hard to live with that constant fear so we chose to bury the thoughts and fears. Goodbyes are hard on us all when we fear they will be our last. This is when we need to remember that even in death, goodbyes are not forever.
The wisest among us this week may have been Nathaniel. I remember asking him a few times if he was sad to leave Jack. He simply said, "Not Yet, I will be sad on Wednesday (when we left Jack to return to TX) and the day after, not before." He reminded me to stay in the moment and enjoy the day instead of living in dread and fear. He also wants us to continue some of the traditions we started when Jack came to live with us as a way to remember him each time we do them, so we will continue some small traditions in Jack's honor.
Now this does not mean that we will miss everyone else any less, it just means that saying goodbye to Jack is a symbol of how we feel about leaving all those we love so dearly. Each day the realization that we are going to be a 24 hour plane ride from our closest family and friends becomes more real. I know it will be difficult but I truly believe India is where our family is meant to be and that we will come out stronger on the other end of this adventure.
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