Maintaining your life in India (mainly me venting)

This is really a follow up on the Setting up your life in India.

Today I realized that the "setting up your life" phase never seems to end.  This is because things break constantly here.  Just last week, my 12 year old went to shut his door but the door would not close.  The bottom of the door jam basically popped off the wall.  In the USA this would be a minor inconvenience that we could get fixed in a day or two but here, we don't know if anyone will ever show up to fix the problem.  This is also the case for the holes in the mesh of the screen door.  We believe the holes were caused by a rat chewing through the screen.  We also found these holes in the mesh of 2 of the bathroom windows.  It was an annoyance for the screen door because we could just shut the sliding glass door and keep the mosquitoes, bees and rats out.  However, the bathrooms do not have proper windows so those rooms keep getting bugs in them.  We have contacted multiple people to fix the problem and no one ever comes.  We literally called multiple people for a month straight before we finally got someone to come out to repair the windows and door.  People say they will come and do not even have the courtesy to call and tell you that the plans have changed.  You just sit and wait and no one comes.

Today is the 4th day someone has said they will come to repair my 12 year olds computer and still no one has shown up.  Today is the 12th day someone from the phone company has said they will come and we have yet to see anyone.   I have been trying to get foreign currency,  yet days later I still do not have the currency.  I am so frustrated that I threatened someone with bodily harm if they don't show up tomorrow.  I have no idea if that made it more or less likely to happen but it made me feel better.

In addition, most of you know I require a monthly medication to be administered through an IV.  I have a contact person at the hospital that I call the day before to arrange for my visit.  I called and talked to her like normal but when I showed up at the hospital I was told she was on vacation and did not inform anyone I was coming.  I did not leave her a message, I actually spoke to her and she did not tell me she was not working and did not call anyone to ask them to do the job she normally does.  When I arrived they informed me there was no bed available for at least 5 hours.  That was the last straw for me and I completely let loose on the manager when she showed up.  I was in a bed and hooked to my IV in record time.  Somehow a bed opened up within 20 mins of the scene I made in the waiting room.  I think they just wanted to get the crazy foreigner out of sight.

So I am planning my trip back to the US and what I am most looking forward to at this moment is people who show up on time.  This has to be my biggest problem in India.  People  never show up when they say they will.  Never is a bit of an exaggeration but in all honesty I will say people do not show up when they say 70% of the time.  At this point,  I don't even count it as late if people show up on the right day.

I am now looking forward to visiting Europe and the USA for 6 weeks.  Just the fact that people tend to show up when they say will be such a nice change.  So please forgive me in advance if I get very upset with you if you are late for a meet up with me this summer.  At this moment, being late or a no show is something I can not handle.    

Dangers of India

So in my personal opinion, India is a very dangerous place to live.  This is not due to crime, the stray dogs, snakes, or even the crazy driving but more it is the prevailing beliefs of karma and that we all have a predetermined time we will die.  These beliefs create a sort of apathy about safety.A few weeks back someone Ken knew was on a train and the door was open.  The place to wash your hands was next to the door and while she stood washing her hands the door came loose and knocked her off the train and she was killed.  There was no outrage that the door should have been better secured or the place to wash hands should not be next to the door but rather a sense that it was her time to die. Below are a few examples of safety issues we have encountered so far.

Fireworks - For Diwali, everyone is setting of fireworks.  At first glance this is not a big deal until you realize that the person setting off fireworks in front of your house have ones that only professionals can get in the USA.  They are the ones that go high in the air and burst with the pretty patterns you see from professional shows in the USA.  There were many stories in the paper about misfire disasters and there were many close calls.  Even the smaller items are very dangerous.  B's cap gun exploded and Ken had one bottle rocket misfire.

Not sure how the bus driver can see out of the decorated front windshield. 

Clean up from the collapsed wall. 

Construction issues - In the community I live in we have a wall surrounding the property.  One section of it is leaning over a heavily used road and is in danger of collapsing.  In the US, everyone would be urgently trying to get  it fixed so it did not collapse and injure or kill someone.  However, here they are planning to get it fixed and hopefully they are able to get around to completing the bidding process and committee meetings before it actually falls.  It would be unfortunate if someone was hurt by the collapse but it is of the same priority as getting the recycling issues under control, and right after making sure the drivers are not gambling in the guard house or using more than two buckets of water to wash the cars.  Many people at the community meeting were much more concerned about water waste than any safety issue.  (I started this post a few weeks back and 100 ft section of the wall has since collapsed.)

This is on the stairwell heading up to where I  get my haircut. 

exposed wires - There are exposed wires everywhere in India.  We keep telling the children to make sure they do not touch any wires.  Frequently the wires are live and could seriously injure or kill you.  This is everywhere from the street light to the building where Ken works.

This is a very common scene on a main walkway.  

This is the main walkway at IBM

crossing the street - While being in the car seems scary it is pretty safe.  While no one from India uses seat belts we do and I feel as safe here in the car as in the USA.  I would not feel safe if I was driving but there is a method to the Indian driving madness.  However, crossing the street as a pedestrian is a completely different feel.  There is no such thing as crossing at a cross walk and as a foreigner it takes a while to get the hang of crossing the street while cars are passing all around you.  You look for a gap and inch your way into traffic until cars are passing on both sides of you and you continue this process until you reach the other side. There are several youtube videos showing this and they are very accurate.

Can you see the barefoot pushing the rickshaw?

This is a picture taken from the rickshaw.  This is how close cars ride to each other.   Frequently, the driver has to put in the side view mirrors and many cars just don't have them any longer. 

Holes in unexpected places-  I should say that walking in general is what I think is the most dangerous thing in India.  You will be walking along and suddenly there is a 2 feet across, 4 feet wide and 6 feet deep hole.  No warning, no tape, no anything.  This is not a rare occurrence.  I see it just about every time I go anywhere.  You are on the sidewalk and suddenly there is a hole just waiting for you to fall in.  This also happens with things like railings.  There could be glass along a  second floor railing for 90% of the rail and then 2 or 3 panes will be missing with no warning signs or tape.  You simply must always assume that nothing is a safe environment and pitfalls (literal pitfalls) are waiting around every corner.

This is a small hole in comparison to many.  This is a busy street that cars do drive on.

This is IBM.  Not a big deal but an Engineer would get into trouble for climbing on that table in the USA.


So the next time people complain about the USA being too stringent about safety and our litigious society, remember there is a flip side to that coin and we don't want to go too far in the opposite.direction.   

A little of everything

I have not been writing like I hoped but I have either been too busy or just not in the mood.

Things seem to run in extremes for me in India.  I am either very happy and could see us staying here for 3 or 4 years or I am ready to call it quits and come home today.  Just last week I was having a rough time.  My plans feel through on a few occasions and I was feeling very isolated and alone.  I had just reached the point of sitting and crying and wishing I was home.  Within an hour of starting to cry, I received a phone call from our old relocation agent.  He had a new client who would be moving into the neighborhood later that week and they wanted to come and meet us.  The wife was nervous about living where we are because it is more isolated than many other areas and her husband was hoping that meeting a fellow American would help her feel better.  They were at my house 2 hours later and when they left, she was confident she would be OK and I was ready to face India once again.  God knew that I needed a new friend in that moment because the timing was absolutely perfect.  I have since decided that I must make plans to have lunch with a friend at least once a week.  It is not a luxury here but rather a necessity.  

To back track some, we had a great time over the Christmas break.  The first week we went to Hong Kong and stayed at Hong Kong Disney the first 3 nights and then went into the city for 3 nights. We all enjoyed Disney.  It did not have as many thrill rides as the children would have liked but it was the Disney we know and love with caring people helping you have a magical vacation.  We also enjoyed the time in Hong Kong where our favorite thing was the food.  N was so excited to have a real McDonald's cheeseburger that we did not even make it out of the airport before he had his first one and it was the last meal he ate on the way back to India.  We also got to eat at his favorite restaurant, Outback, while Ken and B enjoyed the dim sum and dumplings.

Ocean City Park, Sinterklass 

Merlin @  HK Disney

Army Man @ HK Disney

They took B hat and he got the pirate gear.  

After Hong Kong we went to Taipei for 2 nights and met a friend, Tiffany, from the USA.  Tiffany is from Taiwan and her son is the same age as B. The boys both were so happy to spend some time together.
 She brought us a suitcase full of items from the USA.  Our family and friends sent money to our old babysitter and she purchased most of the items for Tiffany to bring.  We just paid the extra bag fee which was a lot less expensive and more reliable than shipping.  Tiffany took us to Costco in Taiwan and we purchased even more items to bring back to India.  There are some things you just can not get here while others are just extremely expensive.  For example, we purchase taco seasoning from Costco which was about 3 USD for a large container.  Here, it is 3 USD for a single packet of the same thing. By purchasing it in Taiwan I saved over 25 USD.  It is similar for cheese and chocolate chips.

The following week was Christmas and Ken took that week off as well.  I think there was a total of 5 days that no one left the house and the boys played online games together, calling me in to help when they needed another player.  All three of them thought that was the best Christmas week ever.

We are currently planning trips to Ooty and Goa and I now have those planned and all the reservations made. N's birthday is coming up and we will have 4 additional 12 year old boys at our house for 24 hours.  That is my next big adventure.  After the party it will be time to plan our summer.  This is still very much in the air. Right now we plan to take a two week vacation somewhere either at the beginning of the summer or the end.  We also plan to let the boys come to the USA for at least 3 weeks.  There old sitter has offered to let them come and stay with her so they will be in Austin for at least one week.  The details are still no where near completion.  Part of the problem is we had originally planned not to come back to the USA this summer, however almost all of the other expats have told us the non-working spouse and children typically leave for most of the summer.  Since the Indian schools are in session in June, July and August and most of the expats are gone, that would leave very few play date opportunities which would drive us all insane.   I will let you all know as the time gets closer what the final summer plans will be.      

I will try to be more current in the future with my posts. 

Thanksgiving

We were unsure what to expect for Thanksgiving since it is really a true American holiday.  It seems that most people know about Thanksgiving.  They have no idea how it originated but everyone seems to know it as a holiday where Americans eat a lot and then shop the next day.  There are several restaurants in Bangalore which serve special Thanksgiving dinners.  We decided that since the kids had school to eat in and so we ordered a turkey and ham dinner and joined with another American family in the neighborhood to celebrate.  There were only 7 of us at dinner and we had enough food for at least 20 with appetizers and 3 desserts, so a typical Thanksgiving dinner.

It was a great time and we all had to tell 3 things we were thankful for and it had to be related to moving to India.  My oldest went first and said he was thankful for a good cook, good maid and good driver.  Can't say I disagree with him.  Having people to help during this very big adjustment has been great.  My youngest was thankful for the food we have to eat and the nice house we live in, however, unlike in the Texas, he seemed to truly be thankful.  He was also thankful for new friends he has met. Ken was thankful that he does not live in the village behind our house, that he does not live near the train (inside joke . The people we were with live near a train while we live near a Mosque with very loud prayers many times a day) and for the good friends we have made.  I agreed with N about the good cook, B and Ken about the friends (especially those we had Thanksgiving with) and I was also thankful for all the places and experiences we will get to have  by accepting the assignment   We went to London and Paris on the way here, we plan to go to Hong Kong and Taiwan over the winter break, the Taj Mahal in February, Goa in March and some local trips driving distance over weekends.  That is all in our first nine months.  Then I get to plan the summer and next years trips.  Our savings may be depleted when we get back but we will have some great memories.  

Diwali Ceremony.

There is an upcoming holiday called Diwali.  It has been described as Christmas, New Years and Independence Day all rolled into one.  There is lots of celebrations, lights, time to give gifts, and  fireworks galore.  I am trying to figure it all out but it is really not easy.  The school did a big Diwali Mela which was lots of fun.  The PTA brought in food vendors to serve "street food" to the parents and sell gifts items.  The primary students did dances, plays, puppets and songs for the season.  There was a fashion show and a lighting ceremony.  All the children were in traditional Indian cloths and it was all beautiful.  The boys and I all enjoyed the day and B, my 9 yr. old, seems to have really grasped some of the stories and has been trying to explain them to us.  The actual holiday is on Tuesday so the boys have three days off school.  We are still unpacking and sorting but hopefully we will be done before the boys return to school.   (I stopped here and finished after Diwali).

We have now attended 2 Diwali parties.  One was part of the Overseas Women's Club and it cost about $80 USD per person and the event is a fundraiser for charities the organization supports.  There was a silent auctions with some entertainment followed by a fashion show, dinner and dancing.  It was fun but not as nice as the party the night before.  That was a party thrown by the owner of the school my children attend and was free.  That night started with an open bar, followed by appetizer's served while we watched dancer from England and acrobats from Africa.  Ken was pulled on stage and helped the acrobats.  Then the teachers and staff were part of a raffle for great prizes.  The top prize was an Ipad and new Iphone 5. About 15 teachers out of the 87 won great prizes.  Then there was dancing and a buffet dinner.  I think it was probably one of the best parties I have ever attended.  Will make sure I attend it again next year.

India Night at the school with a friend. 

Ken on stage with the acrobats

Ken after the show with the acrobats

India Night at OWC.  My first time in a Saree

Now the boys' favorite part of Diwali was the fireworks.  For two nights we lit bottle rockets, sparkler and they had cap guns.  B thought it was the best thing ever.  People had fireworks similar to a professional show in the USA and were firing them in the neighborhood.  One misfired and about hit a house.  Very dangerous but very fun.  However I will be posting a full entry on the dangers of India.

Sea Shipment Arrives

Our items arrived in Bangalore about two weeks ago and after a lot of waiting for paperwork to get finished we finally received our shipment.  We have a few items that were broken but the only item that we can not easily replace in India is my Crockpot.   It is amazing how much stuff was in our shipment and we still have things stored in the USA.  Some items I am very glad we brought but some I now realize how useless it is to have.

I am very glad I purchased items people suggested like metal trash cans with lids, a lot of paper products, toiletries and kitchen items as they are triple the cost here and of much lower quality.  I love being able to sleep in my own bed again and I am thrilled to have our pictures here to hang on the wall and help the house feel like home.  However, we have two or three times the number of towels and rags we need and my 9 year old, B, has waaaaaay more toys than he needs and the kitchen is over flowing in cups and specialty cookware items.   Living in this house with rented furniture has really helped us all understand how much less we really need to be comfortable.

I think my 11 year old, N, learned the " less is more" lesson before we left as all he brought was his bed, a desk, clothes, a few favorite toys, his laptop, 4 posters (one is the serenity prayer and one is a poster of all the USA presidents), and a book case full of books.  His room is the only place in the house that is completely finished setting back up, unless you count the fact he has asked for another book case as his is now completely full of books.

After an enlightening experience for B yesterday, he decided he should give away some of his toys.  He was sitting at the table doing homework when someone came to the door.  He answered the door with me and saw a little boy, about his size, delivering the ironing.  I had him get the money and pay the child for the work and we gave him a few extra rupees.  The boy was visibly excited to have the tip which amounts to less than a dime.  We talked about how this boys parents did the ironing while the child went to school during the day and the boy had to help with the family business by delivering the clothes each evening.  If the boy did not do his part, the family may not have enough to eat.  He decided then and there, he had to make a box of toys to give to kids who have so much less than he.  He wants to have the first toy go to the delivery boy when he comes next week.  Who knows if he will actually follow through on this good intention but at least he is thinking about these issues and maybe it will help him in life.  We really don't need so many items to be happy.

The Fence

So this was the view from the upstairs window the other day.  That is my son on the monkey bars looking over the wall and barbed wire at the villagers living behind our house.  The mother and baby are waving to him.  

Ken and I were wondering what he was thinking about as we are on one side of the barbed wire fence
and they are on the other.  They have no shoes, and run in play in this very different environment. They don't even have a good ball to play with.

When the children noticed him they called out in the local language.  They were waving for him to come and play with them.  No one understood each others words but they communicated all the same.

He then came to me and wanted to know how to get to the other side of the fence. "The kids all seem to be having so much fun together and they want me to come play." We were about to start dinner so we simply told him not now and we would see about playing another day.

After much consideration we are planning to let him play with the kids from the other side of the fence, once we figure out how to get there.  We will have our driver with us to help with the language issue and ensure safety but we decided that in the long run, he will learn a lot and likely, so will we.  Wish us luck.